6 Ways to Communicate Better as an Alzheimer’s Caregiver

By the PicnicHealth Team
Sep 07, 2022 • 5 min read

When a loved one has Alzheimer’s or dementia, everyday communication can be a challenge—but it doesn’t have to be an exercise in stress and frustration. A few simple tips can make daily interactions easier on both you and your loved one.

“How you communicate depends on the severity of their disease at the time,” explains Maggie Carpenter, MD, a palliative care doctor who sees patients in various stages of Alzheimer’s or dementia. “Using humor is important,” she notes, as humor can help lighten the mood—and alleviate stress—for you both.

The following tips will come in handy at various stages, so pick and choose the ones that will work for you now. Let compassion be your guide, and be forgiving of them—and of yourself. It’s not easy, but it is possible to communicate better through the difficulties of Alzheimer’s or dementia.

1. Greet them with the basics. Introduce yourself and provide some context before a conversation or activity. “Hi Mom, it’s your son, [name]. We’re going grocery shopping today.” Make eye contact and minimize distractions (such as television or background noise) so you can maximize their attention.

If you live in the same house and your loved one tends to wake up early, you can leave a note where you know they’ll find it in the morning. “Good morning, Dan. Today is Tuesday, September 20, 2022. Later, we’ll have breakfast and go for a walk.”

2. Keep it simple. Instead of asking open-ended questions, give choices: “Would you like orange juice or water?” Speak slowly and clearly, and give them plenty of time to respond so they can think about what they want to say.

Have simple responses prepared for when your loved one asks repetitive questions such as, “Who are you?” or “Why are we here?” Be consistent and repeat the same clear, simple response without varying the wording, which can add to their confusion.

3. Validate their emotions. Your loved one might experience difficulty expressing their needs or understanding what you’re communicating. This can be frightening for them, but a few calm, reassuring words can go a long way. “I understand that you’re frustrated and want to go home. Let’s sit down and I’ll explain why we’re here right now.”

4. Go with the flow. Constantly reorienting your loved one to reality and imposing logic on them can be exhausting for you, and may cause agitation for them. Try to be accepting rather than dismissive. If they ask, “How do you like Nashville?” when you’re in Los Angeles, resist an impatient “We’re not in Nashville!” and simply say, “It’s lovely here.”

If going with the flow isn’t working or doesn’t feel possible in the moment, try changing the subject. “Let’s walk to the mailbox together.”

5. Take the stress out of medical appointments. Your loved one may not be able to communicate effectively with their doctors. As a caretaker accompanying them to their appointments, you can make it easier on both of you by gathering important information ahead of time—such as labs, medication lists, and notes about recent symptoms.

6. Converse through the senses. If verbal communication is limited with your loved one in later-stage Alzheimer’s or dementia, get creative about how you connect with them. Play music from their younger days. Try aromatherapy. Look at photo albums. Sometimes just sitting together and sharing your presence is the most powerful and loving communication of all.

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Create a List

List the names of all the doctors, hospitals, and other facilities your loved one visits regularly, along with those they have visited in the past. Try to go back as far as you can, striving for at least the last 5-10 years, but do your best. Even if you can’t remember them all, having a strong baseline can help you quickly identify gaps in records.

Ensure You Have the Appropriate Legal Status

It is important to make sure that you are fully empowered to make decisions on behalf of your loved one with Alzheimer’s. Your relationship status with the patient may not be enough to legally give you access to your loved one's medical information. It is a good idea to talk to an expert about securing special legal status, such as Power of Attorney (POA), a legal document that allows an individual to name someone as their decision maker should they no longer be able to make decisions on their own.

Gather and Organize the Medical Records in One Place

It’s important to have all of your loved one’s medical records together in one spot. This makes it much easier for you and your loved one’s physicians to accurately map the patient’s medical journey and more easily share information between doctors. Fortunately, tools exist to make record management and access simple. A free resource like PicnicHealth helps you collect and organize all of this information. PicnicHealth’s intuitive timeline allows you to pinpoint data across the medical history, eliminating your need for keeping heavy binders filled with paper records or keeping track of multiple software portal logins.

Review the Medical Records to be an Informed Advocate

The better you understand your loved one's medical history, the better you can advocate on their behalf. Access and understanding of this information will help you to ask informed questions with physicians. Through regular communication backed by the data in the medical records, you can help your loved one’s care team develop a more successful care plan.